Compassion

Compassion: sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it.

I have been taught compassion.  Fifty days ago I received a text message that my mom was unconscious in the ER.  As worry filled my heart I sent my pleas heavenward.  I also sent them to Facebook.  One little comment asking for my friends to join me in prayer that the doctors would be able to determine what was wrong with my mom brought on a firestorm of compassionate angels to help alleviate my distress.

I left the next morning on a flight to Utah.  Aaron took over the kids and household duties.  Oh yeah, and our car conked out that same day. The Power family drove Aaron to the airport to rent a car while their daughter baby-sat our kids.  By the end of that day I was by my mom's side with a clear understanding that she was not going to make it.  Aaron had to make plans to bring the kids and come to St. George.

Our garden needed some attention and our friends the Urkov/Harris family came to the rescue.  They spent Sunday morning helping Aaron put emitters on the garden drip line so the garden could be left unattended for several days.  They also helped with kids while Aaron packed.

Aaron had to pack for all 5 of us.  Yes, I was already in Utah, but I had only packed for 2 days.  He did all the packing for everybody and went to church long enough to find someone to cover for us while we were gone.  About 7 pm that night he headed out in a rental car on a 9 hour car ride with 3 kids.  An hour and a half later my mom died.

While away I received many phone calls and text messages from friends and family offering support and sympathy.  Oh yeah, and a few annoying ones from the timeshare where we stayed asking us to come listen to their shpeel. (How do you spell that word anyway??)

These same 2 neighbors covered our garden for us on cold nights.  They fed our turtle and took our dog.  The Peterson family ended up taking the dog for several days as well.

My cousin hosted all of my family, (dad, siblings, nieces, nephews, etc.) one evening for pizza in her home.  I know that was probably really stressful and I'm sure it wasn't cheap.

Flowers were sent to me from Aaron's cousin in Seattle.  Aaron's mom and siblings sent a beautiful spray to the funeral home.  Actually many people sent beautiful flowers and plants, including Aaron's office.  While in St. George we were generously served by the Relief Society as they provided a wonderful meal and helped make arrangements for the funeral program.  Jennie Barnett brought mints and water to us as we stood in line at the viewing and greeted people.

My friend Marci from Tucson, who now lives in St. George, came to my mom's funeral.  She didn't know my mom, she came to support me.  I know she had to arrange for child care for her kids and I am sure it was inconvenient, but she came.  I also learned at that time that her sweet husband who works at the same company as my brother, Brad, donated some PTO to Brad after his motorcycle accident.  Again, they have never met my brother.

At the graveside service in Salt Lake my 3 older half-brothers were in attendance.  My mom is not their mom, but they wouldn't have been anywhere else.  One of them, David, flew in all the way from Pittsburgh.  Throughout those harrowing days I received many, many text messages from my brother Kenny as he offered support and empathy.

There were of course many friends and family at that service, and all of the services actually.  But another friend of mine from Reno, Christy, came to the graveside service to support me.  She may have met my mom once or twice, but she didn't really know her.  Christy was there for me.

In Idaho four of my best childhood friends were by my side.  I don't see these friends often and it's usually years between visits.  Two of them live out of state, but they all left their husbands and children to be with me that day.

When I finally arrived back home in Tucson 9 days later my home had been cleaned from top to bottom by several of my sweet friends.   Loads of laundry had been washed and folded.  Beds were made, bathrooms cleaned, carpets vacuumed, dishes done, burners and stove-top cleaned as well as the hood, toys put away, etc., etc.  No detail was overlooked as even the wall flower air freshener plugged into my wall had been exchanged for a new one.  There was a basket of fresh fruit on my counter as well as a poinsettia plant.  Several sympathy cards from my friends were waiting for me.

There was also as note stating that hot meals would be brought in every day for the following 7 days.  They were delicious.  And while I wasn't incapacitated and fully able to cook for my family, this was done simply to show that my friends cared.  I felt a little silly accepting the meals, but it was so nice to have the burden of cooking for my family lifted during such an emotional time.

When I finally checked my email I had 192 new messages in my inbox...all from friends and family reaching out with condolences and sympathy.  I have also learned that it's never too late to receive a sympathy card.  In fact, after a little time has passed life just goes on, even though my heart won't.  I have cherished the last couple of sympathy cards that have trickled in.  It has helped me so much to know that people are still aware that my heart hurts, even after time has passed.

 I couldn't believe that Christmas was only a week away.  I didn't even want to think about it as my heart ached so much.  My local friends had foresight that I didn't have and offered to watch my kids so I could go Christmas shopping on two separate occasions.  Even though I didn't want to think about Christmas my friends knew I needed to and that I had to get out.  Thanks to Stephanie Moore and Brittany Ashby for watching my kids even when you had already cleaned my house and made dinner for me and had your own Christmas to prepare for. The service has been never ending.

Perhaps the person who I owe the greatest thanks to is Aaron.  He packed for the trip on his own, drove 9 hours with 3 kids, and completely took over all childcare and household duties for the entire week that we were gone while I was making funeral plans and falling apart.  I know first hand how my kids wear me out both mentally and physically and I know Aaron must have felt the same way, but he never complained.  He made breakfast, lunch, and dinner for us as and often times for the rest of my large family.  At times he took on my siblings kids as well so they could get things done that they needed to.  And after a hard day with kids he was by my side in the nights while I sobbed in his arms.

Thank you to all.  My soul has truly been touched by your kindness and generosity.  I can say that I have been taught compassion and look forward to future opportunities to pay that forward.  I love you all!!